In these modern times, with feminism firmly on our agendas and equality a given, I find it very disappointing that seemingly it doesn't matter if you have a great career, have just got on the housing ladder, have loads of friends and a packed social life, if you aren't popping out sprogs after a year of marriage, you may as well paint a black cross on your door.
I had a big fat indian wedding just over a year ago, and in our first year of marriage, my husband and I have moved countries, both started brilliant new jobs, I've started a degree, we've bought our first home, been through an extremely intense visa application (him), taken up gardening (me), been on 2 holidays, booked another and enjoyed spending time with friends who we haven't seen for the last few years properly what with being on the other side of the world, we have just got to the point where we can relax a bit after a mental year and just enjoy life, lie ins, and each other. We're pretty happy as we are so its really odd that all anyone ever asks me is, "when are we going to hear the pitter patter of tiny feet"?? Or even better, as I cart around a few extra honeymoon period pounds, "are you pregnant?" (Clue: until you see a babies head poking out of a woman's vag, never ask that question, I have been and it bloody hurts).
I counted it up at work the other day, I was asked about the status of my womb (completely vacant right now FYI) 4 times. In one day! Its ridiculous, is that the only interesting thing about me? Not that I definitely am enjoying married life, or have begun a fascinating degree I could talk about for hours, nope, far more interesting to ask about the vague possibility of an heir. I get that society sadly expects this but I don't get why its acceptable to ask, and I assume, speculate why I'm not pregnant yet as if its some awful condition (if fulfilment with my current situation is a terrible condition i am rife with it!). For all these people know, I could have been trying since the moment that ring went on my finger, how heartbreaking would that be? What if I'd miscarried? It's just so rude and inappropriate!
Don't get me wrong, I love kids and I do want to be a mum one day, but this stifling pressure to come up with the goods is absolutely shocking, I never anticipated this for one moment in 2014! My closest friends are equally horrified and also probably feel they're walking on egg shells. I'm trying to lose weight at the moment (another reason now isn't the time for a small thing to stretch me from the inside out) and while talking about a weekend away for her birthday in september, my good friend said, oooh by then you might need a new outfit! Then immediately panicked and said, because you'll be thinner, not pregnant, I didn't mean pregnant! Truth is, I also thought she meant pregnant for a millisecond & the horror was probably plastered over my face!
It sadly doesn't sound like once you do satisfy everyone by popping out a small thing that the intrusive questions end, I overheard a girl at work on her FIRST day back from maternity leave today being asked when she was having her second! Give the woman a bloody break! Other friends with kids also report the same experience, when will little cutie be getting a brother or sister? You know, cause one just is not enough.....
So dear readers, if you know anyone who recently married, ask them about THEM not their reproductive organs, and if you are about to get married, and haven't had a kid already, be warned your womb from this day forth, is the property of society to discuss and to speculate upon, until you come up with the goods. Enjoy!
