My Big Fat Indian Wedding (part one)

As the big day approaches I thought I would share my experience of preparing for my wedding with you. Luckily I am the anti-bridezilla and have been pretty relaxed about the whole thing (well in comparison to a lot of brides in my experience) which has been useful with our... lets call it "Fluid" guest list ("we have 40 guests, definitely." "Shiiiiit the UK list is down to 10% of the confirmed, we now have less than 30...".) Now apparently we have cousins (his), cousins of in laws (again his), and erm an elephant (claiming that as MINE) so a guest list of about 55, however, there is a week to go so who knows what we'll actually end up with!

So, I hate most weddingy things, never been one to plan my magical day with my prince charming, never really thought about my dress, I absolutely HATE wedding fairs, I find wedding magazines an absolutely obscene waste of money (are you classical? Rockabilly? Shabby chic? Obsessed with VW's? Downton abbey? How about your cake, and have you got your bridesmaids in a lovely shade of dishwater? are you jazz band or ironic dj? Hog roast or buffet? BORE OFF!!!) and i cannot imagine anything more tedious and soul destroying than picking out chair covers, I hadn't even realised that was an actual thing. Next time you're at a wedding please take a moment to appreciate the well used piece of fabric tied round your chair, it probably cost about £5! The wedding industry must be huge, people just seem to go mental and think spending £500+ on flowers is totally normal. For me, it's about making a life long commitment to the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and celebrating the joining together of 2 families with said families and friends.

In spite of all this anti weddingness we are having 3 weddings! A court wedding, a hindu ceremony and a traditional beach wedding. Well, as traditional as you can get with an elephant in the crowd!

When it comes to a colour scheme, I have 3 rules. 1 - there is no colour scheme, 2 - NO PASTEL COLOURS 3 - nothing too matchy matchy.

I had a teensy bride panic when it transpired the only thing I had done traditionally, order stuff to make favours, had gone wrong! We got a load of sweets, some a bit personalised (check out the vast array on ebay) and we ordered some little bags to put them in.... Which never arrived! My parents were due to bring them over with them but they just never turned up! Weirdly these were the only thing I bought based on a recommendation in one of the bridal mags my mum got me. So today I decided, I can sort this, I'll just buy a load of fabric, some ribbon and make my own little pouches - easy!

Yeah, it would have been if there wasn't a strike going on and all the shops are closed! We walked and walked through central Pune, it was extremely hot and a bit weird, what with most of the shops being shut. We found a couple of shops with their doors half open so slipped in and sneakily got a load of brightly coloured fabric, 4 metres for about £3. So far so simple.ish. We then needed ribbon, i could see loads of roadside tailors hunched over their sewing machines so figured they would be able to help... Wrong! All the shops selling ribbon were shut. Amazing HOW many shops in Pune sell ribbon when you look. I was a bride on a mission though and eventually found a man selling sequins and ribbon out of a window, I could have cried. He charged us 60p for 50 metres, I thought I was hallucinating ! I got home and spent the afternoon crafting our little creations with Sushil and his Mum. I am quite proud of our efforts and now feel like we've added a very personal touch to the event, as well as brightening everything up! I'll let you know how the gifts went down in a couple of weeks!

Wish me luck, and if you are a bride to be yourself, save your cash, do your research online rather than through magazines, I could go on but i kind of feel unqualified to dish out advice until my wedding is done!

Thirsty for Thirty!

Firstly huge apologies for lack of blogging lately! I was home for 6 weeks and in that time i saw as many people as possible, dragged sushil up and down the country for 2 weeks and ate and drank a LOT! Since being back in India i have been busy planning my big fat indian wedding which is in just over a week - argh! You can expect a post about that in the future as i'm sure i'll have loads to share!

So as i was thinking about what to write next i realised this time in my life is pretty significant, this year is my last one of my 20's, i'm about to get married... Its all change for me so i figured a coming of age/self indulgent blog post was about due!

I really feel as though things are falling into place for me now. My early 20's were a whirlwind, i went to new zealand with my ex, ended that relationship on my 21st and then went on to have a lot of dates, a lot of dalliances and a few pathetic relationships. None of which i regret, you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince! I partied hard, watched my younger sister get married and basically went in the opposite direction, living alone surrounded by girl friends and gay friends and a lot of sauvignon blanc. My mid to late 20's have mostly been spent in India where i feel i have experienced and learnt enough for a lifetime. I've learned to be patient, to reserve judgement, to just say no, to be selfless (ok, less selfish!) and to embrace life. I have also been lucky enough to visit Thailand, take in quite a bit of Europe, have a few mad minibreaks and do some charity work in Uganda. The constant throughout my twenties has been my friends, funnily the people i am closest to now are the ones i went to school with. I haven't learnt anything from the stream of "inspiring" quotes we seem to be subjected to on Facebook (maybe a friend cleanse is also due?).

Now as i face turning 30 in a few months, i also will become a wife, i will stop travelling to India so much and i'm starting university. This does all scare me, who isn't fearful of change after-all? But if my 20's taught me anything its that it will all be ok in the end, nights spent awake worrying about men, money, my weight, my job, my family, only give you dark circles. I'm so excited for the future, the adventures i will have with my new husband, the lessons i will learn, the sights i'll see, the people i'll meet.

As i approach 30 so too are a lot of my friends and peers, facebook is a constant reminder. I see a lot of friends (sadly mostly girls) talking about "that birthday", i say bring it on! Its a lovely milestone and an opportunity to look back on a decade of fun and look forward to the future! I like my laughter lines, i don't have frown lines yet but i'm armed and ready for when they attack, i am a sucker for soap and glory products!

I may be starting uni 10 years late but i think its ideal timing, I'm studying something which i am passionate about and care about - international studies. When i was 18 i didn't know what i wanted to do next week never mind the rest of my life! I am lucky the job i fell into ended up taking me halfway across the world where i met my fiance and now i feel i have the experience, the stability and the will to study and learn, i really am Thirsty for Thirty!

Cooking with my mother in law

I feel like my first 2 blog posts were focused on the more negative aspects of life in india, so i wanted to share something a bit more cheerful! My future mother in law is staying with us at the moment. She's an amazing lady, not the typical indian mother in law i'd heard about. For a start shes absolutely cool with Sushil marrying a gori (white girl) and us living together before marriage. I know of indian parents in the UK who won't allow their kids to date people of different castes, never mind different countries! We don't speak the same language, she speaks a little english and i speak a little hindi, but we get along really well. Well i think we do!

Anyway while she is staying im desperately trying to learn as much as i can from her in the kitchen department, so i thought i would share her recipe for channa masala with you, my favourite dish! This is a brilliant dish for vegetarians like me as its high in protein and absolutely delish! We use dried chickpeas, tinned food hasnt really caught on here, but you can use a can of chickpeas instead and skip the first step, just add them at the end with a cup or 2 of water.
I like to make this as early as possible to allow the flavours to infuse. We eat this for breakfast, lunch or dinner, its very tasty and filling!

2 cups channa (dried chickpeas)
2 tbsp channa dhal
1 tbsp tea or 2 tea bag
1 tbsp oil, veg oil is fine, i like to use coconut oil if available though.
1 tbsp jeera (cumin)
1 onion
1 green chilli
2 tomatoes
1 tsp lal mirchi (red chilli powder) - you can adjust the amount according to your preference
1 tsp haldi (turmeric)
1 tsp dhania (coriander powder)
1/2 tsp garam masala
2 tsp channa masala mix (available in indian supermarkets)

1.Soak channa and dhal over night in a covered bowl with double the amount of water and 1/2 tsp salt. add to a pressure cooker with water it was soaked in. Cook for 45 mins with salt and 1 spoon of tea tied in a muslin cloth (or 2 teabags). - if your channa doesnt cook well a tip is to add 1/4 tsp baking soda
2. Meanwhile fry 1 tbsp jeera until it browns and the fragrance is released
3. Add 1 chopped onion & 1 chopped green chilli and stir regularly
4. Chop 2 tomatoes and add to onion mix after 5 mins
5. Add 1 tsp red chilli powder, 1 tsp turmeric, 1/4 tsp salt, 1 tsp coriander 1/2 tsp garam masala
6. Add a little water (approx 1/2 cup) and cook on a medium flame for 10 mins, the water helps release the spices aroma and flavour
7. Add onion & tomato mix to cooked chick peas in water
8. Add 2 tsp channa masala mix And salt to taste if required
9. Simmer for 5 mins
10. Keep covered until ready to serve.

Serve with rice, rotis or battura. I like a big dollop of yogurt and a good sprinkle of fresh coriander before serving looks nice and tastes brilliant. If you liked this please comment and let me know if theres any other indian dishes i can try and tell you about!

What went wrong india?

I've been wondering what my second blog post should be about for a while now, then when I learned this morning of a gang rape in the city i stay in, i knew what i wanted to talk about.

We all know by now what happened that awful night in December to an innocent young woman with her promising future ahead. It was disgusting, it was appalling it was barbaric. I cried reading the detail of what those monsters did. India and the world was horrified. People took to the streets demanding the death penalty, praying it would never happen again.

But it has. In the week after the attack, 2 young girls aged 10 & 14 were gang raped in Bihar, one of them killed. A girl was gang raped on bus near Amritsar, another girl was gang raped and killed in Delhi. A 6 year old was raped in Pune. A middle aged lady was gang raped in a moving car. These are just the cases i know off the top of my head. If you follow VAW (violence against women) on twitter you will see hundreds more cases.

So why isn't the media widely reporting these cases? I think its a class/caste issue. As Chetan Bhagat recently pointed out, Jyoti Singh Pandey was one of us. She was middle class and educated, she was just a normal girl on a night out at the cinema with her friend. I would not be at all shocked if these other women were the kind of women india ignores, you know, our maids, the women selling fruit at the market, the ladies who stay at home in villages and slums. The huge majority of India that India likes to pretend isn't there.

I've been told rape is so common in poorer or more volatile states, like Bihar and kashmir respectively that its just accepted. The police and army don't stop it because allegedly they're the ones committing the crimes in a lot of cases. Only the other day i had to submit some documents at the police station at my fiancé was horrified 2 women were sent to accompany me from my office, I asked why, he said its not safe for women to be alone in a police station!

Apparently a woman is raped every 22 minutes in Delhi. Delhi is a big place, the population is 4 times greater than that of New Zealand, but still, thats a horrible statistic. And even more horrible is the amount of unreported rapes. How many women/girls stay silent, too scared or ashamed to speak out? Most rape victims know their attacker making it harder for them to report the rape. Then there is the conviction rate, i heard out of 635 cases that actually made it to court last year, there was ONE conviction. So is it worth going through all the trauma of a court case for that slim chance of a conviction? I can see why women would want to stay silent.

Its not just rape thats the issue here, its attitudes to women in general. "Eve teasing" is extremly common, and its dumbed down with that stupid name, when i got groped in a lift by a cleaner at work i didnt think eve teasing was an appropriate term. When a man shoved his hand up my friends skirt in goa, we didnt shrug it off as eve teasing. These acts need to be taken more seriously but its not just india thats the issue, getting your bum pinched on a night out in the uk isn't exactly uncommon is it?

I worked in Delhi for almost 3 years and i loved the city, a few people have said to me in light of recent events that they bet im glad im not there anymore... Well no, I kind of wish i was there to see how quickly things change. I've read street lighting is improving, buses with blacked out windows are banned, there are more police checks... This all sounds like steps in the right direction and i just hope attitudes change too.

It infuriates me that the attitude is to keep women away from men, like its our fault a few of them behave like animals! Women's only metro cabs, auto rickshaws and taxis are not the answer. While they present a short term solution in making us feel safer, we shouldn't have to be kept away from men! After the gang rape in Gurgaon 18 months ago, curfews were introduced for female workers... Again, why stop us earning an honest living? I suppose thats easier than dealing with the issue at hand and locking up the men who commit these horrible crimes.

Laws also need changing and the conviction rate seriously needs looking at. Stating the obvious i know, but theres even laws around wearing a helmet on a bike that don't apply to sikhs (because of their turbans) and women (because???? We're not that important?).

Most of my friends in India are men, i'm marrying an indian man so i can say hand on heart that the issues are down to a few men, not all. My fiancé is so respectful to women, i have never met a man who is so loving and respectful to his mother and sisters. His friends all treat me as an equal. It appals and angers them when men stare at me, i just hope the rest of india can follow suit and one day, women's only metro cars will be a thing of the past.

That difficult first blog post....

So i am writing this as my best friend insisted i should start writing some of the crazy goings on i encounter in India down, she's right,i have been coming here for 4 years and have plenty to share! Im currently on a 5 hour drive back to the apartment i share with my fiancé and (temporarily) his mum, in Pune (pronounced poo-nay or poo-na) in Maharashtra, not too far from Mumbai. We've just been to Shridi to see the temple devoted to Sai Baba. Now i don't know much about Sai Baba, until last week i was confusing him with Guru Nanak (founder of Sikhism)! What i do know is Sai Baba was a kind of modern day jesus, he only died in 1919, he performed loads of miracles like making fire out of water and healing the sick. He believed in there being a place for all religions and not discriminating due to caste (amen to that) he lived in a mosque but is buried in a temple so is worshipped by hindus and muslims alike, so far i am impressed! We set off at 8am after a big mum cooked breakfast of parathas and chai (sooo good but sooo bad for my waistline) and stopped off at a temple on the way where we spent 250rs (£3) on a load of offerings including mustard oil, marigolds, a piece of black cloth, a coconut and a little black doll to ward off evil spirits. 10 minutes later we were on our way out of the temple minus our little stash. I just don't get it! We walked in, gave our offerings and left. I understand there is a lot here i don't know about and i do really respect the hindu religion, but what a waste of money! Wouldn't it be better spent on food for the beggars outside? And i think I'm right to assume the offerings just get resold... I mean where do all these coconuts and dolls go?i am very conscious i may sound like some arrogant firangi (english person) who thinks she knows it all, i don't for one minute think that, I'm merely observing.

Anyway, we then set off for Shridi, on the way we passed loads of stalls selling sugar cane juice, they grind the cane by placing it between two metal wheels attached to a rope, attached to a bull who they hit on the bum so he walks round in circles, grinding the cane. I asked why this was happening, cows are worshipped but was told well this is a bull.... Ahhh right. Needless to say, i didn't partake in the juice!

We arrived at Shridi around 1pm in the blazing afternoon heat, we couldn't get our car near the temple it was SO busy so we walked the kilometre to the temple, stopping on the way to deposit our shoes as they are strictly forbidden inside the premises. Once we are about 200m away, queues start forming, i say "queues" but it was a bit of a free for all with people pushing in all over the place and no one seemed to care. My fiancé jokes that I'm from the "queue K" as we are so good at queuing.... I bloody missed that today! We finally got into the gates and were shouted at by security guards with obvious power complexes to get in line, i obliged as they had massive sticks in their hands.... We were then sent through a series of 4 rooms which were more like cattle markets, where we had to slowly shuffle up and down through a series of lines divided by metal barriers. It was hot, it was stinky and the floor was revolting, covered in manky petals (more offerings) rubbish and dirt from peoples feet. I tried really hard not to think about verrucas. The atmosphere was pretty cool, a bit like queuing for a ride at alton towers mixed with being at a football match what with all the chanting for old Sai Baba. I was concentrating too hard on not making eye contact with any of the hundreds of people staring at me, along with trying not to pass out from the heat to really take it all in. We finally got to the main event,people were wailing, throwing themselves on the floor, chanting, and running towards something..... It was a statue. A nice one, its really famous but literally just a statue. Surrounded by security. We were allowed in for about 30 seconds and were shoved along by the security. Im not sure who they were there to protect really.... My fiancés mum was really happy and overjoyed to see the statue, so it was nice to see what we had been through was kind of worth it. I get that the statue represents an amazing man loved by millions, but i couldn't help but wonder, would he want his devotees to go through all that to get to his shrine? As we left a man grabbed my arm, he had one leg and was begging. It was at this point i realised the bag of dried nuts, fruits, sweets and rice we had taken as an offering was still in my fiancés hand. We gave it to the old man, i think that was the one part of the whole experience Sai baba would have been happy with.

After that ordeal we went and got our shoes, couldn't find Sushils so left them behind (!) and went for a very late (5pm) lunch. Popped to the loo with my future MiL first, she came out heaving shaking her head saying "bohot gandha" (very dirty) again and again.... There was a great big poo on the floor. I knew all those music festivals would make me a stronger person! I managed to brave it.

I feel like i need to conclude with some kind of lesson learnt from my day trip... I think they should teach "queuing" in schools here, but i also need to learn to appreciate in a country of 1.2 billion personal space is fairly limited. Oh, and if i was a god/saint/guru/baba i'd like you all to keep your money and not waste it on twentysecond hand coconuts.