As i near the end of my time living in India, I wanted to reflect, and talk about my experience of being a british woman in a foreign country.
I think living in a different country, and culture is something everyone should experience. It broadens the mind, it pushes you out of your comfort zone and gives you a plethora of amusing anecdotes!
There are many things I love about life here, and many things I'm looking forward to leaving behind.
Shopping is a good place to start, while my excess baggage may tell a different story, I hate shopping here! From the pathetic, invasive security checks (you have your bag checked very vaguely and a bit of a pat down with a metal detector if a female security guard is about, if not you walk in unchecked) to the store assistants who will not leave you alone, it really irks me. Everyone is a thief in the eyes of indian malls and supermarkets, you have to leave your shopping bag with a security guard (and queue for the pleasure, i'll get on to queuing later) and have your hand bag searched and quite often tied shut. I could save these companies millions of rupees, sack the "security" staff and get some cctv! You also have to show your receipt to another security guard on the way out so he can check you've not nicked anything..... It's so annoying! I avoid supermarkets as much as I can, the migraine inducing lights and constant loud announcements aside, it annoys me they don't have conveyor belts so the long line of customers can get out of there a bit faster. I am a typical ex pat and go to the overpriced luxury foreign food stores, not to buy marmite, weetabix, dairy milk or any other home comforts, but just to not have to deal with queues! Ok and their wine and cheese selection is pretty good!
So queuing, well that kind of thing hasn't really caught on here. My husband jokes that I am from the QK! I quickly learned in India that everyone is more important than everyone else, manners get you nowhere and personal space doesn't exist.
I do believe the whole personal space issue is one of my brit hang ups. Families here are so close, this is something I love about India. Entire families sleeping in one room is not uncommon, so personal space is often an unknown, and in general people are very close to (physically and emotionally) and respectful of their families. The way some of my friends in the UK speak to their parents horrifies me now after spending so much time here. You don't really see old folks homes in India because families stick together and care for their elderly parents at home, how amazing is that?
I have even changed my mind on arranged marriage since spending time here. India has a very low divorce rate, and yes, there will be an element of pride and fear there, with some awful marriages where one half of the couple is too scared to end things, and obviously I am very much against child marriage, but i do believe when you reach a certain age, your parents probably have a good idea of who would be a good match for you. I know a lot of very happily married couples who had arranged marriages
I love the fact I see crazy things like goats, camels and cows in the street all the time, but the lack of organisation and structure also annoys me! And one creature i do not love has to be the mosquito, they love me but the feeling sure isn't mutual.
I love the bright colours and noise everywhere, the smells of cooking and incense. The first thing i notice when flying home is that England is dull and many shades of grey and beige. And so quiet!!! Although i do miss the silence at 2am when theres a dog pack fighting outside, a security guard blowing his whistle, horns honking and a load of nocturnal birds chirping away at my window.....
I could talk about the food for hours, as a vegetarian, India is paradise. It really is home to the best food in the world, from chole battura to vada pav, sweet lassi to warm chai, aloo gobi to rajma, biryanis and pakoras, juicy mangoes and sweet chickoos, i am spoilt for choice! I am constantly learning new recipes and the thought of boiled vegetables us brits love makes me angry! Do that cauliflower some justice and cook it in some delicious jeera!
I love the history and culture here. Last weekend we visited some beautiful caves, over 2000 years of history surrounded me and I felt humbled. India really is beautiful and I have been extremely fortunate in that I have travelled a lot. From the beaches of Goa, to the majestic beauty of the taj mahal, the deserts of Rajasthan, the snowy peaks in Manali, the madness of old Delhi, to the quiet serenity of Pondicherry, the backwaters of Kerala, the hustle bustle of Mumbai, the incredible golden temple in Amritsar, the blue city of Jodhpur, i have seen a lot of amazing places, and met some fascinating people. I am always struck by how enormous India is and now I think nothing of travelling 7 hours to visit somewhere for a few hours. In the UK we think we've travelled a long way if we go from Derby to London, the time it takes for that journey (1.5 hours) is about how long it takes us to get out of Pune on a weekend! I hope I never lose this attitude and continue to travel and make the most of every moment when I'm back in the UK.
I find the mix of religions here really interesting. Hindu's, Sikh's, Muslim's, Catholic's, live side by side and generally seem to get on. Everyone in India has a faith and I am often struck by their devotion to their religions, this is the main drive behind me starting a degree in international studies where i will spend a year studying religion. The beauty of the gurdwaras, mosques, temples and churches is fascinating. I recommend the book Holy Cow to anyone interested in religion or India!
Varanasi
My last few frustrations with India start with corruption, the police are feared because they rape and steal. Allegedly. The government just seems a mess to me, sorting out my husbands passport was done in such a backwards way, they issued his passport weeks ago and are now carrying out his background checks.... Reassuring!
I also hate the way I get stared at all the time, this probably adds to why I hate shopping so much! I've constantly got Eminem in my head "y'all act like you've never seen a white person before"! It still freaks me out and scares me now, I'm forever pulling up my top or making sure my skirt is long enough to draw as little attention as possible. Young men whipping out their mobiles to "click my picture" very obviously is so weird, i'm not Katrina Kaif! what do you want with my photo-photo?
And its the language barrier that really gets me, nothing like being stood in a lift with 4 people blatantly staring and talking about you in another language to make the blood boil! The language barrier is obviously a frustration anyone in a foreign country faces, if someone comes to the door or the phone rings and my husband isn't in i just ignore it now. Ive had hindi lessons, i have really tried to communicate but still get nowhere. I cant even order a diet coke properly, its diet coooooke apparently.
So I end my ramblings on my experience. Lessons learned? So many! While I get angry and frustrated with life in this incredible place I wouldn't change my experiences. I've learned to swallow my pride, respect others and I have patience in truckloads! The world is a beautiful, fascinating place and we need to get off our asses and see as much of it as we can. I'm proud to be a Goyal and always be connected to Incredible India. I sure have some intereating stories for my kids about their roots! And finally, if you're indian, please don't stare at the next gauri you see, you're doing yourselves and her no favours!
